Here are the top comments made by sports commentators
Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event:
“This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria.
I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.”
Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator:
“This is really a lovely horse,
and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.”
Greg Norman, Pro Golfer:
“I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.”
Ringside Boxing Analyst:
"Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing
- but none of them really that serious."
“If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.”
“He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it.
In fact you can see it all over their faces.”
At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988:
“Ah, isn’t that nice,
the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the Oxford crew.”
Metro Radio, College Football:
“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”
US Open TV Commentator:
“One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that,
before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them.
Oh my God, what have I just said?”
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn’t need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, and she does.
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT
DEAR LORD -
So far today, I’m doing all right!
I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, selfish, nasty or self-indulgent.
I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.
I have not charge anything on my credit card.
But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think that I will really need your help then…
With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it
>is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which
>almost went unnoticed last week.
>Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote “The Hokey Pokey” died peacefully at
>the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him
>into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble
>Shut up. You know it’s funny. Now send it on to someone else and make