more chuckles

Subject: Lifesavers
>>>
>>>
>>> A college professor was doing a study testing
the
>>> senses of First
>>> Graders, using a bowl of lifesavers. He gave all the
>>> children the
>>> same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them
>>> to identify
>>> them by
>>> color and flavor.
>>> The children began:
>>> “Red…cherry,”
>>> “Yellow…lemon,”
>>> “Green…lime,”
>>> “Orange…orange.”
>>> Finally the professor gave them HONEY-flavored
>>> lifesaver.
>>> After eating them for a few moments, none of the
>>> children could
>>> identify the taste.
>>> “Well,” he said “I’ll give you all a clue. It’s what
>>> your mother
>>> may sometimes call your father.”
>>> One little girl looked up in horror, spit hers out
>>>
and
>>> yelled,
>>> “Oh My God!!! They’re a.s.s.holes!!!”

Subject: Can You Read This?
>>
>>
>>This is what I feel like at the end of the day
>>
>>If you can read this, you have a strange mind too.
Can you raed
>>this? Olny 75 plepoe can.
>>
>>
>>
>>i cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd
what I was
>>rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid,
aoccdrnig to a
>>rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno’t
mtaetr in what oerdr
>>the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng
is that the
>>frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The
rset can be a
>>taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a
pboerlm. Tihs is
>>bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but
>>the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh?
>>
>>
>>yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if
you can raed
>>this forwrad it.
>>
>>
>>
>>ONLY FORWARD IF YOU CAN READ THIS…

Here is to who ever thinks he or she is a math wiz!
UNBELIEVABLE MATH PROBLEM

> Here is a math trick so unbelievable that it will stump you.
> Personally I would like to know who came up with this and why that
> person is not running the country.

> 1. Grab a calculator. (you won’t be able to do this one in your head)
> 2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
> 3. Multiply by 80
> 4. Add 1
> 5. Multiply by 250
> 6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
> 7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
> 8. Subtract 250
> 9. Divide number by 2
> Do you recognize the answer?

SCIENTIFIC STUDY

A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with very low intellect read their e- mails with their hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

MOWING THE LAWN

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first; the truck, the car, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. “When you finish cutting the grass,” I said, “you might as well sweep the sidewalk.”

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

For Sale by Owner

THESE ARE ACTUAL CLASSIFIED ADS

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE PUPPIES… Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog

FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat . Been out a while.
Better be a reward for this nasty little thing

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED. Also 1 gay bull for sale.

NORDIC TRACK: $300 Hardly used , call Chubby

GEORGIA PEACHES, California grown - 89 cents lb!

JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie.

FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes.
excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married
last month. Wife knows everything.