more sillies

THIS ORIGINATED FROM A NON-NATIVE TEXAN

Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Texas,
plus a few no one has ever seen before.

Raccoons will test your melon crop and let you know when they are ripe.

If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!

Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.

There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.

A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.

The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 'til June 25;
then it stops totally until October 2.

Onced and twiced are words.

Coldbeer is one word.

People actually grow and eat okra.

Green grass DOES burn.

When you live in the country you don’t have to buy a dog.
City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.

The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good
for the first few weeks.

When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you,
it’s time to see a doctor.

Fix-in-to is one word.

There ain’t no such thing as “lunch.” There is only breakfast,
dinner and then there’s supper.

“Sweetened ice tea” is appropriate for all meals, and you start
drinking it when you are two.

“Backwards and forwards” means I know everything about you.

“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning, “Did you eat?”

You don’t have to wear a watch because it doesn’t matter what time it is.
You work until you’re done, or it’s too dark to see.

You measure distance in minutes or hours.

You can switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day.

Stores don’t have bags. They have sacks.

You see a car with the engine running in the Wal-Mart parking lot
with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable.

You install security lights on your house and garage,
and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables for your own car.

You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” are.

You only have four spices in your kitchen:
Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.

You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.

Sexy underwear is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page,
but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.

The first day of deer season is a state holiday.

You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

You find 100 degrees a “tad” warm.

All four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.

You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North,
or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.

Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past-time known as “goin Wal-Martin” or
“off to Wally-world.”

You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as
good chili-eatin’ weather.

A carbonated soft drink isn’t a soda, cola, or pop…
It’s a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

After the egg hunt on Easter Sunday, the young farm
boy decided to play a prank. He went to the chicken
coop and replaced every single egg with a brightly
colored one.

A few minutes later the rooster walked in, saw all the
colored eggs, then stormed outside and beat up the
peacock!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

CHRISTIAN ONE LINERS

>
>> Christian One Liners
>>
>> Don’t let your worries get the
>> best of you; remember, Moses started
>> out as a basket case.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
>> until you try to sit in their pews.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisors.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> The good Lord didn’t create anything
>> without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> When you get to your wit’ s end, you’ll find God lives there.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> People are funny; they want the
>> front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Opportunity may knock once, but temptation
>> bangs on your front door forever.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Quit griping about your
>> church; if it was perfect, you couldn’t belong.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> If the church wants a
>> better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> God Himself does not propose
>> to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> Some minds are like concrete
>> thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Peace starts with a smile
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> I don’t know why some people
>> change churches; what difference does
>> it make which one you stay home from?!
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> A lot of church members who
>> are singing “Standing on the Promises” are just sitting on the
>> premises.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He’ll clean them.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Don’t put a question mark where God put a period.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> Don’t wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> Forbidden fruits create many jams.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> God grades on the cross, not the curve.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> God loves everyone, but probably prefers
>> “fruits of the spirit” over “religious nuts!”
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> He who angers you, controls you!
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> If God is your Co-pilot - swap seats!
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> Prayer:
>>
>> Don’t give God instructions – just report for duty!
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> The task ahead of us is never as
>> great as the Power behind us.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> The Will of God never takes you to
>> where the Grace of God will not protect you.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>> We don’t change the message, the message changes us.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> You can tell how big a person
>> is by what it takes to…discourage him.
>>
>> ++++++++++++++*
>>
>>
>> The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
>> 1 cross + 3 nails= 4 given.
>>

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>