They walk among us and reproduce.

[lvdkeyes]

HELLO, OPERATOR
ANOTHER CHAPTER OF "THEY WALK AMONG US AND REPRODUCE!!

Actual call center conversations!
Customer: ‘I’ve been calling 700-1000 for two days and can’t get through; can you help?’
Operator: ‘Where did you get that number, sir?’
Customer: ‘It’s on the door of your business.’
Operator: ‘Sir, those are the hours that we are open.’

Samsung Electronics
Caller: ‘Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, sir, I don’t understand who you are talking about.’
Caller: ‘On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?’
Operator: ‘I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.’

RAC Motoring Services
Caller: ‘Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?’
Operator: ‘Does the policy name give you a clue?’

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ) ‘If I register my car in France , and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?’

Directory Enquiries
Caller: ‘I’d like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please’
Operator: ‘I’m sorry, there’s no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?’
Caller: ‘Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the ‘B’ fell off.’

Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
Operator: ‘Woven? Are you sure?’
Caller: ‘Yes… That’s what it says on the label – Woven in Scotland …’

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: ‘I haven’t got a pen, so I’m steaming up the window to write the number on.’

Tech Support: ‘I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.’
Customer: ‘OK.’
Tech Support: ‘Did you get a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?’
Customer: ‘No.’
Tech Support: ‘OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?’
Customer: ‘Sure. You told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.’

Tech Support: ‘OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?’
Customer: ‘Wow! How can you see my screen from there?’

Caller: ‘I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it.
So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?’

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department…
Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for ‘Termination without Cause.’

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: ‘Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?’
Caller: ‘Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect .’
Operator: ‘What sort of trouble?’
Caller: ‘Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.’
Operator: ‘Went away?’
Caller: ‘They disappeared’
Operator: ‘Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?’
Caller: ‘Nothing.’
Operator: ‘Nothing??’
Caller: ‘It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type.’
Operator: ‘Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?’
Caller: ‘How do I tell?’
Operator: ‘Can you see the ‘C: prompt’ on the screen?’
Caller: ‘What’s a sea-prompt?’
Operator: ‘Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?’
Caller: ‘There isn’t any cursor; I told you, it won’t accept anything I type…’
Operator: ‘Does your monitor have a power indicator?’
Caller: ‘What’s a monitor?’
Operator: ‘It’s the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
Does it have a little light that tells you when it’s on?’
Caller: ‘I don’t know.’
Operator: ‘Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??’
Caller: ‘Yes, I think so.’
Opera tor: 'Great… Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it’s
plugged into the wall…
Caller: ‘Yes, it is.’
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ’
Caller: ‘No.’
Operator: ‘Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
find the other cable.’
Caller: ‘Okay, here it is.’
Operator: ‘Follow it for me, and tell me if it’s plugged securely into
the back of your computer…’
Caller: ‘I can’t reach.’
Operator: ‘OK. Well, can you see if it is?’
Caller: ‘No…’
Operator: ‘Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?’
Caller: ‘Well, it’s not because I don’t have the right angle – it’s because it’s dark.’
Operator: ‘Dark?’
Caller: ‘Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window.’
Operator: ‘Well, turn on the office light then.’
Caller: ‘I can’t.’
Operator: ‘No? Why not?’
Caller: ‘Because there’s a power failure.’
Operator: ‘A power … A power failure? Aha. Okay, we’ve got it
licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and
packing stuff that your computer came in?’
Caller: ‘Well, yes, I keep them in the closet…’
Operator: ‘Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
the store you bought it from.’
Caller: ‘Really? Is it that bad?’
Operator: ‘Yes, I’m afraid it is.’
Caller: ‘Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?’
Operator: ‘Tell them you’re too damned stupid to own a computer!’

[almonds]

Loed it, I needed that in my day, still chuckling…thanks!

[lvdkeyes]

I loved Portugal. We had good weather, great food and lots of sight seeing.

[lvdkeyes]

Acorda ( Cilantro Bread Soup)

Servings
4

Ingredients

2 Tbsp olive oil
3 leeks, washed, dried and chopped
4 cloves garlic, minced, plus 2 whole cloves
8 cups stock (vegetable or chicken)
1 bunch chard, washed, dried and coarsely chopped
1 can garbanzos or white beans, rinsed and drained
~2 cups cilantro, washed, dried and coarsely chopped
4 large or 8 small slices peasant-style crusty bread
salt and pepper
4 eggs

Directions

In a large pot, heat the olive oil over a medium flame. Add the leeks and a pinch of salt, and saute until softened. Add the minced garlic, and saute until the garlic is soft but not brown. Add 6 cups of the stock, the chard, and the beans. Bring to a gentle simmer, and cook for a few minutes to soften the chard.
While the soup is simmering, puree the cilantro with the remaining stock in a food processor until it's fairly smooth. Pour this into the pot, continue to simmer to blend flavors.
While the soup is on its final simmer, Bring a pot of water to boil to poach the eggs. In the meanwhile, toast the sliced bread until lightly browned. Take the remaining whole garlic cloves and run them over the toasted sides (toasted bread does a remarkably good job of grating the garlic into a fine paste to coat). Place a slice of toasted garlic bread at the bottom of each of 4 bowls.
Poach the eggs in the boiling water. Season the soup to taste, and ladle a serving over each bread-filled bowl. Top with a poached egg and serve.

Chourico and Kale Soup

Servings
4

Ingredients

2 tablespoons (2 turns around the pan) extra-virgin olive oil
3 medium white waxy potatoes, like Yukon golds, peeled and diced
2 medium onions, chopped
4 to 6 cloves garlic, chopped
2 bay leaves, fresh or dried
1 pound kale, coarsely chopped
Coarse salt and pepper
1 (15-ounce) can garbanzos (chick peas), drained and rinsed
1 can diced tomatoes
1 pound diced chourico, casing removed
1 quart chicken broth
Warm, crusty bread

Directions

Heat oil in a deep pot over medium high heat. Add potatoes and onions, cover and cook 5 minutes, stirring occasionally.
Add garlic, bay leaves, and kale to the pot. Cover pot and wilt greens 2 minutes. Season with salt and pepper. Add beans, tomatoes, chourico, and broth to the pot and bring soup to a full boil. Reduce heat back to medium and cook 5 to 10 minutes longer or until potatoes are tender.
Serve soup with hunks of crusty bread and butter.

Portuguese - Bread Rolls (Papo Secos)

Ingredients

10 cups flour (more or less)
1 tablespoon salt
2 packages active dry yeast
1 tablespoon sugar
1/4 cup margarine
3 1/2-4 cups lukewarm water
1 1/2 teaspoons shortening

Directions

Dissolve yeast in 1/2 cup of the lukewarm water with 1/2 tsp sugar added, let stand for 5 minutes or until doubled in size.
Place in large bowl, add enough flour to make a batter, cover with a cloth and blanket, and let stand until it forms bubbles and looks lumpy.
Add remaining ingredients, mix well and knead for about 10 minutes or until smooth.
Add more flour if dough is too soft.
Cover with the cloth and blanket and let stand in warm place until doubled in size.
On floured board, using about 1/3 cup dough for each roll, shape into round balls.
Let shaped rolls rest on a cloth.
After all rolls are shaped, beginning with first shaped rolls, flatten each with palm of hand, making an indent in the middle with the side of your hand, and fold in half.
Lay each on a cloth with open side down.
Let rolls rest for 5 minutes.
Place rolls on baking sheet with open side up, and brush with milk.
Bake in preheated 500F oven for 10-15 minutes.

Portuguese Molotov Cake

Servings
8

Ingredients

Sugar Syrup:
200g White sugar
1/4 Lemon peel
1 cup water
Cake:
8 Free range eggs
7 Tablespoons white sugar
3 Tablespoons of sugar syrup
1 Tablespoon of butter
1/4 Orange peel or more traditionally lemon peel
250 ml semi skimmed milk
1 tsp vanilla extract

Directions

Prepare sugar syrup in advance if necessary.
Add sugar and lemon peel to non greased frying pan on medium low heat.
Allow sugar to dissolve and stir gently for 30 seconds.
As sugar turns golden, turn heat off to avoid burning it.
Add 1 cup of water. Stand back for safety as you do this. Allow syrup to cool down at room temperature.
Cake:
Turn oven on at 200 degrees Celsius.
Separate egg whites from yolks. Save yolks for later.
Beat egg white until firm, add 4 tablespoons sugar slowly and keep blending together.
Add 3 table spoons sugar syrup and fold gently.
Grease cake tin (22 cm diameter) with butter and pour mixture gently until the top. Souffle will rise but it will deflate, it will compensate to fill the tin.
Bake in the oven for 15 minutes at 200 degrees Celsius.
Turn heat off but do not remove from the oven for another 5 minutes.
Allow to rest for 10 minutes before attempting to remove from mold.
You make choose this time to prepare the homemade egg custard.
Heat up milk with orange peel and vanilla extract. Just before boiling point, remove from the heat and allow to cool down.
In a separate bowl, mix 4 egg yolks with 3 table spoons of sugar. You can use remaining egg yolks in another recipe as they will keep in the fridge for 2 days.
Once milk has cooled down, add the yolks mixed with sugar and take back to low heat, stir often for 2 minutes and do not allow to stick.
As custard sauce thickens, remove from the heat and strain for a creamy consistency. Allow to cool and chill in the fridge.
Turn cake tin over gently into a large serving plate and pour custard over the cake.
Chill in the fridge for 2 hours before serving.

If using a larger cake tin of 25 cm diameter, increase egg whites to 10. Add your sugar slowly to the meringue mix and mix well. Only add sugar syrup once at room temperature, adding hot syrup will cook the egg whites. Prepare in advance. You may need to adjust the temperature on your oven and do not be tempted to over cook it. You may find that this souffle rises lots then it deflates quickly. Don’t worry, leave it in the oven for 5 minutes with the heat off then removed it to rest for another 10 minutes before attempting to take off the mold. Patience is key here. Also you need the souffle to deflate to allow the cake to be turned over. Another good tip is to also use butter to grease cake container instead of spray oil, the Molotov cake comes off easier. Only pour custard over cake once both have cooled down. This Molotov cake takes better when served well chilled.

Cod Fritters (Pastéis de Bacalhau)

Ingredients

2 ¼ pounds russet, Yukon Gold, or Maine potatoes
1 ½ pounds soaked salt cod, preferably with skin and bone (from about 18 ounces dried, see step 1 below)
1 medium onion (about 4 ounces), finely chopped
1 ounce parsley leaves, chopped (a small handful)
6 large eggs, beaten
Salt and white pepper
vegetable oil for frying

Directions

A couple of days before: Rinse salt cod in cold water, and then submerge it in a large bowl and soak for about two days in the fridge, changing water a few times a day. When they’re ready, the filets will feel flexible, like fresh fish, but the flesh will not have the firmness of truly fresh fish; it will hold a slight indent when you press into it. If it’s just slightly more salty than you like, that’s OK — just decrease the salt later when cooking the potatoes. If it’s saltier than that even, keep soaking.
Peel and cut potatoes in half lengthwise (if they’re really big, quarter them), so they’ll cook quickly and evenly, and cover potatoes by an inch of cold water. Bring the pot to a boil over high heat, then turn it down to a moderate simmer. Salt the water a little less than you normally would because you’ll add the cod later, which will have its own salt.
After about 15 minutes check the potatoes. They should have just a bit of resistance against the knife, add the cod to the pot. Bring back to a simmer. Keep prodding the potatoes every couple of minutes. When they break apart easily with a poke of a fork the fish come apart. Take the cod out in whole pieces, and drain the rest of the pot.
Flake apart the fish with a fork, breaking it up and feeling and looking for bones to take out. The skin should come off easily. Discard the bones and skin.
Feed the fish through a meat grinder into a large bowl. The salt cod comes out like short threads.
Feeds the potatoes through the grinder, too,
Add the onion and parsley to the bowl, and pour in the eggs. Now, with a pinching motion, lift and mix it all together lightly but thoroughly, so that it looks a bit like overly wet mashed potatoes, but enough to still hold a shape.

Give the mix a taste. Add some salt, enough to heighten the flavors, and just enough white pepper so that you can tell it’s there. Heat the oil over medium-high heat to 375 F. Meanwhile, form the fritters. You can make quenelles with two spoons, which is the classy choice: Lower the fritters into the oil with a spoon, Add as many fritters as will fit with room to float and move around a bit, and help out by turning them occasionally. Take them out with a slotted spoon as they turn the color of walnuts, and let them drain on a tray lined with several layers of paper towels as you fry the next batch. Serve while hot and crisp. Many like them still at room temperature, after they’ve softened a bit, but they reheat and crisp up again nicely in the oven.

Portuguese Egg Tarts

Ingredients

3 egg yolks
1/2 cup sugar
2 tbsp cornflour
400ml full cream milk
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 block of puff pastry sheet

Directions

Grease a muffin tray and pre-heat oven to 200C.
Place the egg yolks, sugar, and cornflour in a pan and whisk together until well combined. Slowly add in the milk and mix well with no lumps.
Place the pan over a medium heat and cook, stirring, until the mixture thickens and comes to the boil. Let it simmer for 2-3 minutes, then remove from heat and add the vanilla extract.
Transfer the custard to a bowl, cover, and let it cool.
Thaw the puff pastry sheet and roll to about 1/2" thickness on a floured surface. Roll it from the width-side tightly and cut into small discs. Roll each disc (flouring the surface sufficiently) to the rough size of the muffin tray.
Lay each rolled out disc into the muffin tray, pour the cooled custard to about 3/4 level and bake for about 25 minutes.
The custard will bubble up during baking, don't worry! The top of the egg tart should have brownish black patches for that authentic Portuguese egg tart look!
Sprinkle with cinnamon powder and serve warm.

[lvdkeyes]

Glad to help when I can.

[gavind]

Thanks for sharing. Recipes look good. I wonder why on earth this is shared so easily. Just a thought.

[lvdkeyes]

The recipes were shared because they were requested and that’s what this site is about.

[Antilope]

Awwww there are many recipes. Your job is to try and figure out the good ones. :eek: