6 Secrets to Happiness
By: Lynne E Kaska
Have you ever thought that you could have more, be more and do more? Have you ever wondered what it would take to really have a successful life? What if you could have the life of your dreams?
Happiness is just within your reach. Itâ€™s just on the other side of the gnawing fear. Itâ€™s just on the other side of that self-defeating game that you keep on playing. The question is how do we get â€œthereâ€ from â€œhere.â€ The question is what do you have to do?
The first secret to happiness that I have found is in identifying what makes you truly happy. Itâ€™s a difficult task to do especially if you really do this from your heart, not what your head tells you. I discovered when I went through this process that the things that I want are not like what anyone else wants for me. I had to discover what I want and let go of old ideas and pleasing other people. For me, happiness means that I walk down the sidewalk with my head held high because I know that I am right with God or a Higher Being. Happiness means that Iâ€™m not held back by all the garbage in my past. Happiness is feeling like I have a purpose and living my life with passion and vibrancy.
What is it that you really want in life? Do you want a stronger relationship with your spouse/partner? Do you want a more fulfilling career? Do you want to be able to sleep at night without any chatter in your head? Is your true desire to just want to get out of bed in the morning and embrace the day for what it is? Do you want to have a strong faith and put aside all fear and live life to the fullest?
Well, if you fall into any of these categories, then I encourage you to keep reading. We all want to be happy. But what separates the men from the boys and the women from the girls is the willingness to do the work. In my own experience, I found that when I get into enough pain, Iâ€™m willing to go to any length to quit feeling the way I was feeling. Are you willing to go on a journey? Are you willing to trust a process that is rewarding?
The next step to achieving happiness is to identify what is not working in your life. I have found that there are several self-defeating games that I play, playing the victim, get them before they get me, being a problem, using drugs/alcohol/food, not showing up, and lying. Which of these games do you use and how? Write a paragraph on three times that youâ€™ve used a self-defeating game. Write about how it worked for you, what it cost you, etcâ€¦.
Another key step to creating a life of happiness is the power of choice. So many times in my life, I didnâ€™t think that I had a choice, but I really did. Particularly abuse survivors think that they donâ€™t have a choice in their situation. They are controlled by fear, but the truth is that if they were willing to step outside of their comfort zone and what seems normal to them, there are ways that they can get out of their situation. As a survivor myself, I had to learn that even though the things that happened to me were not my fault, I did however continue to place myself in a position to be harmed. And I did make the choice to stay in the situation however painful it was for me. There are hundreds of agencies out there today that are designed specifically for women in these situations. Making healthy choices for ourselves gives us an amazing feeling of empowerment. It is something that is indescribable.
Taking Responsibility for our actions is probably the most difficult part of creating a life of happiness. I want you to pretend that someone who you blame for something is standing in front of you; now point your finger at them. What I never realized is that when I point the finger at someone else, I have 3 pointing back at me. When I was able to really start looking at my part in things, the growth that I went through was incredible. I felt as if I was stopping a cycle. And I did!!! By taking responsibility for my own actions and seeing where I was wrong, I was able to identify the things that I did to other people, therefore I was able to truly make amends to them. By seeing my part, I changed a lot of behaviors.
Forgiveness is the next step. For a detailed explanation of forgiveness, please see my article titled â€œForgiving the Unforgivable.â€ When I went through the process of forgiving the people that hurt me, I felt as if nothing in the world could stop me from having the happiness that I had longed for, for so long.
Giving back is the final step in achieving the happiness that you want. As I began to de-clutter my heart and get rid of all the things that kept me in the darkness, my heart felt full, I felt alive, and I felt like I had so much to offer the world. That was when I first decided to start getting articles published, and I took steps towards getting books published, and I even wrote my first e-book. If people werenâ€™t there for me to help me through this process, then I wouldnâ€™t be where Iâ€™m at today. I canâ€™t just ignore the things that people did for me. Service work can be done in a number of ways. It doesnâ€™t necessarily have to be being a candy striper at a hospital. There are a number of places that need volunteers. It could be visiting a nursing home, or just smiling at a cashier. It could be holding a door open for an elderly person or carrying their groceries to their car for them. What I have found is that by giving back what was given to me, I am able to keep the things that Iâ€™ve achieved.
My hope for you is that you find value in some of the steps above as well as my experiences. My hope for you is that you will finally discover the happiness within you. My hope for you is that you will finally find the freedom that you so deserve.
By Lynne Kaska - www.visionarycoaching.net