I found these in a local news paper
Q: Why didn’t the lifeguard save the hippie?
A: He was too far out, man!
There was a hippie named Benny who just couldn’t grow a beard like the rest of the flower children.
One day, Benny met up with a Gypsy Lady who liked him enough to grant him a wish, so Benny wished for a beard. The Gypsy granted him the wish, but warned Benny to ALWAYS wear the beard.
Well, the years went by, and Benny went on to a career as a successful banker.
He decided the beard no fit his image so, ignoring the Gypsy’s warnings, he shaved it off. POOF! He turned into a pile of ashes, the janitor swept him up and placed him in a jar.
[CENTER]MORAL OF THE STORY:
A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.
]Dear Abby,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs… phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with “the girls” a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them.”
I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with “the girls”. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head.
Abby, is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it?[/b]