Some puns to lighten the day (or make you groan)

  1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round table was
    Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

  2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
    But it turned out to be an optical Aleutian

  3. She was only a whiskey maker,
    But he loved her still.

  4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from the algebra class
    Because it was a weapon of math disruption.

  5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
    And got a little behind in his work.

  6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
    It’ll still be stationery.

  7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road
    And was cited for littering.

  8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
    Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

  9. Two silk worms had a race.
    They ended up in a tie.

  10. Time flies like an arrow.
    Fruit flies like a banana.

  11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
    The police are looking into it.

  12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway.
    One hat said to the other, ‘You stay here, I’ll go on a head.’

  14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
    Then, it hit me.

  15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said,
    ‘Keep off the Grass.’

  16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a Hospital.
    His grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
    ‘No change yet.’

  17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

  18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison
    Was a small medium at large.

  19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray
    Is now a seasoned veteran.

  20. A backward poet writes inverse.

  21. In democracy, it’s your vote that counts.
    In feudalism, it’s your count that votes.

  22. When cannibals ate a missionary,
    They got a taste of religion.

  23. Don’t join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!

  1. She was only a whiskey maker,
    But he loved her still.

Didn’t get that one. What does it mean?

I’m a city boy. No need to make whiskey when the liquor store is walking distance. LOL

When I was a kid, an old Italian neighbor made wine in his basement. His son lived in the same building with his wife and young son (about 4-5). One day the boy’s mother (not Italian) was talking to my mother and said she didn’t know why Joey got to nasty in the afternoons. My mother asked her if she didn’t know that the old man was giving Joey wine everyday. The woman was shocked and said, “So Joey is going to grow up to be a mean drunk?”

Come to think of it, I actually have a bottle of moonshine in the basement right now :). My mother went to Savannah, GA to see some relatives and brought some back. I’ve just never made it myself.